OOOOH I am struggling with my diet!!!!!!!!!!!Exercise is okay, have to admit the motivation factor is not as high as it could be, but it is okay. I just cannot seem to muster the willpower, or whatever you call it, to stick to a healthy eating plan. It is like have two personalities. One that loves to feel healthy, think healthy, and the other that says just eat it you will feel better. "You know you want to!", but I don't, as I eat it, that not so healthy food, the healthy voice in my head is telling me "You are going to regret this as soon as you take that last bite, why do you keep doing this to yourself??", and I do regret it and hate myself for being so weak, for giving in to temptation. How will I ever overcome the dueling voices?? Is it possible that I can ever overcome being over weight. It has been all consuming for as long as I can remember. I just want to wake up one morning and not have to think about being overweight or unhealthy. I want to feel good about myself, love myself, and use my energy to think about more positive things.

I watched Oprah this week and there was a girl on the show that had been on two years ago weighing over 200lbs., miserable, with a dad who did not like his daughter being overweight. She felt unloved and unhappy. Now two years later, after gastricbypass surgery, and 170lbs lighter, she is a new person. Beautiful, smiling, happy. Looking at her, all I could think is that is what I want. I want to feel the way she looks she feels. The worst came into my mind. Is surgery the only way I will ever be able to get my weight under control. One of my best friends for over 20 years just had Lap Band surgery, and she had the same look as the gastricbypass girl. The look that they both finally had control. Is surgery the only way???

I have always thought, No, I would never have surgery to get my weight under control, but this week I was tempted. Maybe it is the only way?? Of course insurance does not cover it, and it is so expensive, so is not really an option.

So, Monday again I will join weight watchers for the millionth, billionth time and try to muster up the faith in myself to be successful.