A Rocky Road

My journey is rocky, it is not a flat smooth road, as I would like it to be. My feet hurt and I am tired, so very tired of this never ending journey I am on, at least that is how I feel today. In our work out regiment, we have added a saturday hike up a trail called Mount Peak, not too far from where we live. This is a very busy hike, since it is all up hill for a mile, a great cardio workout. Today I went with all the enthusiasm I usually have on a early saturday morning. Me and two friends start up the hill, they are in front of me talking about the diet program we are on, Prism, for this program you sign an agreement each 6 week phase promising not to deviate from the program. The first six weeks I did awesome, lost 25 lbs. Now on the third phase, I am struggling, I start out strong in the morning, but find my self off track often. My friends have been able to stay on track and are doing fantastic. They were talking about those who choose not to follow the agreement whether the leader should talk to them about their committment and if they should still be in the group. I fall in to this group. Not the group I want to be in, but my choices have put me there. When I heard them talking about this and as my lungs are burning as we are heading up the hill I began to cry. Not because what they said hurt my feelings, but because what they said I needed to hear. I am not doing what I need to do to get down the road of the journey I am on. FAILURE! ran through my head, AGAIN! Ugh, I am so tired, of all I can every think about is my wieght and what I am going to eat. I want a different thought just once. I don't want to wake up and weight is the first thing I think about. I am mad, that I cannot eat whatever I want when I want it and still be healthy. I am mad that I have to give up foods that I have turned to for comfort for as long as I can remember, I am mad that I make the wrong choices. I feel at this time that I am rebelling, how long will it take to get over this feeling, how long will it take to step over this rocky section of the road and move on??????

You cannot run away from your weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand? - Robert Louis Stevenson