Ready, Set, Run

Okay, I am running. I should say trying to run. These lungs and body can only handle running one short stretch of the track at a time, but I am doing it. My workout partner has been timing her laps with her watch so she can see improvement. So since I also have a handy watch, with lots of functions I have as of yet to use, I thought I would do the same. So here are my times for this morning.

Lap 1 3.56
lap 2 4.08
lap 3 4.09
lap 4 4.44
lap 5 4.01
lap 6 4.52
lap 7 4.43

Well I am no speed demon, but everyone has to start somewhere.

My goals for this week are as followw:

1. Attend Prism meeting
2. Journal all food
3. Keep calories at 1300
4. Be in bed by 10 p.m.

And the journey continues.............

Choose Life

It sounds so simple, "Choose life" doesn't it. But is it really. Does our heart always wake up and look to the day as a mircle, another adventure that we have been blessed with. I know my heart does not. Some days when the alarm goes off, my heart is thinking, "Ugh, another day, I just want to stay in bed all day."
but then I believe God sends me little reminders.

I was up late last night, flipping through the channels, as usual finding nothing worth watching on, yet I keep flipping through the channels thinking something will magically appear, but on this night it did. I stop on The Larry King show to see who he was talking to on this night. His subject was "inspiring people beating incredible odds", this sounded interesing so I put the remote down. I joined the program in progress, but at this moment he was speaking to a gentleman named Jim Maclaren. He had went from being an All American at Yale, to having a motorcycle accident in NY, being hit by a bus and having to have one of his legs amputed below the knee. Now this would be devasting for anyone, but he took this situation and made Lemonade. He went on to break records in marathons as well as Ironman competitions. He came out of his situation and was back on top, but like that was not enough, God had more planned for this life. During one of his events, he was hit by a van and became a quadrapligic. Doctors told him he would never move again, but now they call him the "Living Mircle", through perseverance and his hard work and determination, he is able to move again, and has chose life and is touching many with it.

Stories like these definately put your life in to persepective. The "poor me" attitude just does not cut it. What am I doing with what God has blessed me with? That question cuts to the bone. Answer: Not much. So what has to change, EVERYTHING! Eye opening yes, life changing, can be, but only I can make that change.

My Family and Faith

I have been struggling with eating healthy majorily over the last few weeks. Feeling sorry for myself that it is so hard for me to loose weight. I know wah wah, big baby!! Unfortunately, I periodically slip into these slumps and have a hard time getting out, forgetting how it effects my family. I was looking at my daughter today, she had just put on a pair of jeans that we bought for her just a couple of weeks ago. At that time they fit perfect and were sooooo cute on her!! But today, I noticed that they are now snug, almost too snug, looking too small for her. At that moment I relize that my slips in too poor meville don't just effect me, they are shaping the fate of my children as well. What will they remember when they grow up. A mom who talked about eating right and exercising but every month or so, slipped off the wagon, binging on everything she could get her hands on, too tired and lathargic from over eating and not exercising, to give them the attention they need. This is not the person I want to be. Sometimes I feel like I am on the outside of myself looking in, seeing me be self sabataging and self destructing, and unable to stop it. I know that there is only one power that is going to get me through this struggle, GOD, and I have been hiding from him, thinking I should be able to do this on my own, I do not need anyone or anything to do this, but I am wrong. I need my best friend, I need my Prism group, and mostly I need to drop to my knees and pray to GOD to lift me up and help me down the road to recovery from this addiction, and so at this moment I am dropping to my knees and praying to be lifted up, working on my faith in GOD and his power to heal.

Family

Family can't live with them, can't live without them. I went home this week to visit my parents and siblings. I always go with great expectations. We will get along famously, we will have a great time together, and what always happens is the opposite. I remember why I have a problem with emotionaly eating, and it all stems from my negative upbringing and family. I know that I am responsible for what I eat, but it is almost like my mind and body go into automatic pilot once I step foot in my parents house, or spend any time with my siblings. My mind is telling me if you want to be able to deal this week, eat, eat, eat. Where is the nearest cookie jar. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, or fortunately for me, one of my children got sick, and I had to come home early. The minute, I hit the road for home, I felt my body, begin to relax, and relize I cannot continue to react this way when I am with my family. I have some very bad habits to break with dealing with things with food. This is the main thing that holds me back from achieving my goal, and seems like the hardest thing to let go of. What coping mechanism can I easily replace eating with to deal with family, and negative situations? I do not know but that is what I am in search of.

Care for myself

This week was a not so good week for me. I am still struggling with my weight loss program, or should I say new life style. I am not feeling well, and feeling down hearted. My workout partner is on top of her game, which I glad for, but envious of. We were to do a run this weekend, our first time actually trying to run the event, but things were working against me going and and I was not willing to fight against them, so she went and I ended up not going. This was hard for me. I do not want to be left behind in this journey, but it also woke me up to a very important fact. Here I am trying to loose weight, and make myself better, but who is taking care of me. Yeah I am exercising, and trying to eat better, but what about the rest of the package???? I don't get enough rest, I never take the time to pamper myself, do my nails, or just meditate. It is one thing to improve your outer person, but what good is that if your inner person is suffering from neglect. So today I got up and made a wonderful breakfast for my kids, and then advised them that mom was going to take a nice hot bath. Which I did!!!! I took time, shaved my legs. Do you know how wonderful it is to shave your legs in a leisurely fashion instead of as quick as you can in the shower??? Such a small thing but one that can make you feel so good!! I had went this week and bought me some new lotion and after shower spray, in my favorite scent vanilla/Brown sugar. I took the time to apply lotion to my feet, and body, painted my toes and fingernails, and felt great!! Why do I not take the time to do this more often? Doesn't Julie deserve it?? You are dam right she does!!!!!!! And I need that personal attention, so as of today I am going to stop neglecting my inner person, and make her relize I do love her and am going to care for her the way she should be!

A Rocky Road

My journey is rocky, it is not a flat smooth road, as I would like it to be. My feet hurt and I am tired, so very tired of this never ending journey I am on, at least that is how I feel today. In our work out regiment, we have added a saturday hike up a trail called Mount Peak, not too far from where we live. This is a very busy hike, since it is all up hill for a mile, a great cardio workout. Today I went with all the enthusiasm I usually have on a early saturday morning. Me and two friends start up the hill, they are in front of me talking about the diet program we are on, Prism, for this program you sign an agreement each 6 week phase promising not to deviate from the program. The first six weeks I did awesome, lost 25 lbs. Now on the third phase, I am struggling, I start out strong in the morning, but find my self off track often. My friends have been able to stay on track and are doing fantastic. They were talking about those who choose not to follow the agreement whether the leader should talk to them about their committment and if they should still be in the group. I fall in to this group. Not the group I want to be in, but my choices have put me there. When I heard them talking about this and as my lungs are burning as we are heading up the hill I began to cry. Not because what they said hurt my feelings, but because what they said I needed to hear. I am not doing what I need to do to get down the road of the journey I am on. FAILURE! ran through my head, AGAIN! Ugh, I am so tired, of all I can every think about is my wieght and what I am going to eat. I want a different thought just once. I don't want to wake up and weight is the first thing I think about. I am mad, that I cannot eat whatever I want when I want it and still be healthy. I am mad that I have to give up foods that I have turned to for comfort for as long as I can remember, I am mad that I make the wrong choices. I feel at this time that I am rebelling, how long will it take to get over this feeling, how long will it take to step over this rocky section of the road and move on??????

You cannot run away from your weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand? - Robert Louis Stevenson

The Return

It has been a loooooooooooooooooong time since I have blogged, but the good news is I am returning smaller!!! I have been following the Prism Wieghtloss program and did well the first 6 weeks, but have been struggling the last 6 weeks, that is my pattern, I can always loose that first 20lbs easily and then I get bored, lazy, whatever you want to call it, but this time is the time, this is my success story not my failure story. So I am returning to blogdom to help me with that. I will share daily which in turn will remind me of my quest for the TRUE ME!!!