Feeling Oh so un Pretty!!!

You ever have mornings where things seem to go as usually. You get up same routine workout, breakfast, shower, makeup, get dressed, but when you look in the mirror it just doesn't seem as pretty or as good as yesterday. You didn't do anything different. You still are the same person, yet when I look in the mirror I just do not like what I see as much as I did yesterday. Why? No matter how much makeup, or different outfits you try on the fit just does not seem right at the time. How do we over come these kind of days. That kind of day throws the whole week out of wack. That kind of day seems to make a person feel so out of control. I know I have been blessed and that God is working in my life, so what slips in there to give you that little (or a lot) of self doubt, self lothing? I don't know but I hate that it puts me in a mood. A mood that makes me just want to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head and not have to face the day. Does anyone else every feel like that? I always wonder am I the only one?? But I am not doing that, I did put my shoes on and have ventured out in to the world today, hoping, and praying that tomarrow will start with a fresh, new, and beautiful out look!1

CHOICES

Well got up late this morning but made it to my workout. Walked three miles. So on track with my workout, but I am realizing I am not meeting my full potential. The weight is not coming off. I am feeling much better, more energetic, but could be doing so much better if I could just get my food under control. So I have done it! I have pulled out my pile of Weight Watchers materials from past attempts. Yes that is right I am a Weight Watcher drop out!!! Ugh! I have tried Weight Watchers more times than I can count in the past, and have always lost that first 20 lbs, over and over again, just to drop out and think I can do it on my own only to let myself down. I am not willing to pay that weekly fee to return to weight watchers, but know the program works. Basically it boils down to keeping track and being aware of what you put in your mouth. I have posted a poster on the front of my frig that says "Are you fueling your body or making it fat?". The first day it was there my 12 year old son was like what the heck is this. Which means it works to have it there. It makes us stop and think about our choices. Unfortunately I think most of us go through life making choice after choice every day and not thinking about how it will effect us, kind of on auto pilot. I know I do and than where do you end up. Well I ended up exactly where I did not want to be 100lbs over weight and very tired. So needless to say just taking that little bit of extra time and thinking over my choices more seriously would of saved me a lot of pain and agony. So I am taking control. I am keeping track. Started my food journal today, counting my calories and points. I never have thought calorie counting was that important but as of today I think it is the way. If you have written down what you ate, made good choices, and exercised than your body and the scale will show it! It is that easy!! And that is the road I am CHOOSING to take!;-)

Keep on Keeping On

Today was spose to be a rest day on our workout plan but we had a change in our schedule and Made Monday our rest day. So when the alarm went off this morning many thoughts went throught my head. The first one was "turn that dang alarm off!!!" Which I did, the second one was "okay now just climb back in bed and no one will notice!";-) And as usual this thought caused me to pause and think for a second considering this option. Than the next thought was "Maybe since this is spose to be our rest day Laurie will also still be in bed and not even notice?" again I paused to consider this thought, but needless to say my training schedule is becoming a habit and won out over all my own self defeating head talk. I am glad it did. We went to the gym today and I had an awesome workout. 3.2 miles on the elyptical in 38 minutes. Getting better!!! Getting faster!!! Than on the way home from the gym Laurie mentioned that the Disney World Marathon that is our main goal has to be completed in 7 hours. I must admit that took a little of the joy out of my 3.2 miles in 38 minutes at least for a second. The thought of moving continuously for 7 hours at a pretty good pace is a little overwelming at this point in my current physical condition, but than what is a goal if it does not take hard work and determination to achieve it. I have to keep the big picture in my mind. The reason for the goal is so that when I turn that wonderful age of 40 I feel good mental and physically, have developed healthy life habits, and will have learned to be diciplined. Now that is not asking for too much?? Right???

Progress

Today we had to walk a six mile walk in our training plan for our half marathon. I have to admit I was not looking forward to it. Not the walking part but the time committment part. I have to admit that I am not fast, but working on the speed aspect. So a 15 to 20 minute mile is good. So that means that six miles would take about 2 hours. Of course we work out early in the morning so on Saturday at 6a.m. the thought of walking for two hours was not appealing, and when that alarm went off all I could think was uggh! I know that I want to achieve my goal but some days are harder than others. But as Laurie and I walked today, seeing the day come alive it reminded me to be thankful that I CAN! That my body can get up at 6a.m. That I CAN walk six miles without any major discomfort. That I CAN and will be able to achieve my goal of a half marathon. Just like the wonderful childrens's story about the train I just need to keep that positive thought. I KNOW I CAN! I KNOW I CAN! AND I AM, AND IT FEELS WONDERFUL!!!

Help along the way

Today my work out partner and I decided to try out a new gym that opened up in our town. I had already toured the gym and was excited about making it our gym! My workout partner did not seem to feel the same today and I was worried. I have to admit I need my work out partner. She is what keeps me going. Don't get me wrong I do want to work out and I do want to loose weight, but I need someone, I guess you might say to keep proding me along, when I loose site of the big picture. My work out partner is that kind of person and I am thankful for her. I consider her a blessing! This make me relize though as a person this is something I need to work on to complete myself. I need to relize it is okay to need others to help us along the our way in life. I believe that God put certian people in our life for certian reasons, and I definately believe God blessed me with an awesome workout partner named Laurie!!

Fear

Over the past several months I have been trying to figure out what makes me overweight. Why I am this way? Why can't I fix it? It sucks to spend your life feeling you are broken in some way, or unfixable. I know this is not the case, but how does one change that thought process. I know God never gives you more than you can handle, and that I need to turn it over to him. He has blessed me with a body that is capable, a friend that is in the journey with me, and his grace. I need to let go of the fear I have of what I can become if I embrace all the gifts I have been given and run with it. But why is it so hard for some of us to do that??? Today when I got up I truely have made the committment to myself and God I will not let fear run my life, I can do whatever I put my mind to, and I need to open my heart to the plan God has for me and let him guide me!!

THE JOURNEY BEGINNINGS

I have been in a constant struggle with my weight for as long as I can remember!! When I was a child my mother belonged to a weight loss group and I always swore I would never be over weight like her friends. Never say never. Three children later, and too much cheese cake and here I am at an all time high weight. So finally in 2005, I decided to do something about it and asked one of my friends if she wanted to start working out. Since we both have children that we have to get off to school, we decided on a 5 a.m. work out time. Now if you know me, this would have been the first red flag. Never in my life have I been an early riser!!! Everyone close to me I am sure was thinking "I give it a week", but almost a year later my friend Laurie (the greatest workout partner ever) and I are still at it. We believe in the motto "move it or loose it"! We have set a goal for ourselves to run a marathon, the Disney World Marathon in 2008. We will be walking the 1/2 marathon in Seattle in 2006. Needless to say a few pounds, unfortunately not a few, 100lbs need to be shed as I race toward this goal. This blog, I hope will be theraputic and help me reach this goal while sharing my journey with others. My workout partner, first came up with the idea and set up a awesome blog. So I am following suit, and look forward to what the future will bring!!! The Race is On!!