IM BACK

SLEEP-5 HOURS
MOOD-GOOD
EXERCISE-40 MIN ON ELIPTICAL
FOOD-ON PROGRAM

Well this Monday is starting out on the right foot. I was up and to the gym this morning and am making healthy eating choices. It feels so good!!!

The Secret To You

I have the video of The Secret and it is very positive and uplifting. Found this on Youtube and thought I would share it!

ITS A START

Well today was better. I got up at our 5a.m. workout time and was ready to go. I am feeling like crap, we have a nasty cold going on at my house, both my daughter and husband are home sick, and I am starting to get it as well. But when the alarm went off this morning, I told myself that no matter I had to make myself get up and go to the gym. So I slowly drug my not so happy body out of bed, put on my workout cloths and waited for my ride. My ride did not come. Now this is unlike my workout partner. She is the diligent one of our duo, so I rang her up, and guess what, she was sick as well, so I wished her well, told her to go back to sleep and get rest and we will try again tomorrow. I think God was helping me out this morning, because my acking body and sore throat were more than happy to climb back in to bed, with the vision of feeling better tomorrow, and trying again. But I am counting this as a positive a step back in the right direction!!!!

Regarding food, I have not made it to Weight Watchers to sign up because of sick kids, but am trying this week to be aware of my calorie intake. Yesterday was kind of hectic with sick kids and a girl scout meeting to plan for, so needless to say I skipped lunch and dinner and just kind of snacked all day. When I got home last night from girl scouts, got everyone into bed, I sat down to watch my favorite television program, Hereos, I pulled out a bag of trail mix I had purchased. Now when you hear the words trail mix you think healthy, not this trail mix. I picked my favorite flavors, bannana and chocolate, it was called Chocolate Monkey. Now when I dove in the bag I just planned on eating a couple handfuls, but by the time my show was over I had eaten the whole bag, and this was at nine at night. Needless to say not the peak time for my metabolism. Once I relized this I turned over the bag to check out the calories, OUCH, it had 170 calories per serving and 11 servings per bag. That is 1870 calories, my daily alotment in one bag. Oh this made me sick, no wonder all my working out is not working. No wonder the pounds are not coming off. A major eye opener. I cannot do this any more. Needless to say I will not be purchasing this trail mix again until I have myself undercontrol, and I will look at the calories before I starting eating next time.

FORCES WORKING AGAINST ME

UGH!! Another Monday. Another day of best intentions put to the test and bent under pressure. It seems like some force is working against me right now. Stopping me in my tracks every time I try to get back on track. I want to be back on track, my body is crying out for it, saying we cannot head back in this directions, but the forces are putting up road blocks.

I got up this morning planning to work out, but had to make that dreaded call to my workout partner and best friend. Saying I cannot make it because I have a sick child. Now my children are my #1 priority over everything even myself, and I am okay with this, but for the last 3 weeks it seems like there is always something. Am I bringing this negative energy on myself, or is it just my turn, and I have to just ride the wave? I am lucky to have a understanding workout partner, she tollerates me quite well, and I am thankful for her. I also am thanksful for you fellow bloggers who have sent words of encouragement. It means a lot to me and it is going to play a major factor in getting me back on track. So thank you for the kind words and the inspiration your blogs give me.

So I will plan for tomorrow and hope, AND PRAY, it will be a good successful day!

AM I MOVING OR STANDING STILL

AS I WAS READING BLOGS FOR INSPIRATION TONIGHT AND ADDING TO MINE, I WENT BACK AND READ MY OPENING TITLE STATEMENT AND RELIZED I STARTED THIS IN SEPTEMBER OF 2005 AS A WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY AND A JOURNEY TO FIND MYSELF, AND I AM FAILING! WHAT WEIGHT LOSS THERE HAS BEEN HAS BEEN REGAINED. I AM NO FURTHER ALONG MY JOURNEY'S PATH THAN WHEN I STARTED. OH THE PAIN THAT MAKES ME FEEL. FAILURE IS THE WORD THAT COMES TO MIND. IS THIS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME! DO I NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES! THEN THE WHY ME'S START IN MY MIND. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE FAT GIRL, WHY DOES FOOD HAVE TO BE MY ENEMY, WHY , WHY, WHY??? WHY CAN I NOT GET OVER THE ROAD BLOCK AND START LOOSING WEIGHT, BUT THE ANSWER IS THERE. I AM MY OWN WORSE ENEMY. I SABOTAGE MYSELF. I PUT THE FOOD IN MY MOUTH. I MAKE THE DECISIONS TO MAKE BAD CHOICES. IT IS "I" WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHO AND WHAT I AM! SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. IT MEANS TO ME THAT IT IS "I" WHO HAS TO TAKE CONTROL AND STOP LET MYSELF STAND STILL! I HAVE THE POWER! I HAVE GOD TO TURN TO INSTEAD OF FOOD! I HAVE GOOD FRIENDS WHO SUPPORT ME! I HAVE A LOVING HUSBAND WHO STANDS BY ME! I HAVE TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES, AND I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF ON A DAILY BASIS I CAN DO THIS, I CAN MOVE FORWARD ALONG THE CORRECT PATH!!!! I WILL BEGIN THE JOURNEY AGAIN IN 2007, BUT THIS TIME THE DIFFERENCE WILL BE THAT I WILL MOVE FORWARD AND NOT JUST STAND STILL HOPING IT WILL HAPPEN!!

Off Schedule

Since I got back from Kansas I have been totally off schedule and the scale going the wrong way. I have decided to start following the weight watchers point system again starting Monday.

I also decided today, to try and give up my stretch pants. You know the kind that move with you as you expand your body, unlike jeans. I own several pair of stretch pants and one pair of jeans, that I wear not very often. It will be hard. I love my stretchy pants. They always fit, whether I have binged the night before or not, and I can always breath in them, but they have one down fall, they do not remind me that I am moving in the wrong direction, pounds wise that is, and when it comes to pounds for a fat girl, up is not good. So I went in search of a comfortable pair of jeans. Now I do not know about the rest of you all, but I always look for a size smaller than I am first. Why do I do this to myself. I try them on knowing they are not going to fit, and find myself hating myself because they do not fit. I try to kid myself that I have not eaten myself to that dreaded bigger size, but I do know the truth and have to face it. So I have decided, the pounds are going to go down, but I need a nice pair of jeans to wear until that time,so I will face that dreaded size that I have eaten my way to and find the allusive comfortable fat jeans, and I did! An awesome pair of Levi 545's. I love levis. When I was in high school they were the style and I lived in my 501's. So now I am a proud owner of two pair of jeans, and yes one less pair of stretchy pants. It will be a slow process, but I have began to create a NO STRETCHY PANTS ZONE for myself!

So we will begin again Monday, until then adieu!

WHERE TO START

I have been in Kansas this last week because of an illness in the family. Totally out of my routine. It is sometimes so hard to return to the routine when interrupted!!

I do know that I need to finally make a decision regarding food. What plan am I going to follow? is the question. I have had so many failures, I am almost afraid to start another eating plan. I am trying to not use the word DIET. I want to make a lifestyle change, that I can live with forever. That can enable me to not have to always be thinking about my weight. I want my mind to be free to think about other things. I am soooooo tired of thinking about how fat I am. That how I look is hidious, and wondering what others think. I want to let this go, but I can't not remember a time when weight was not the number one issue on my mind. Ugh! I wish my brain could be erased of the thoughts of weight and be reprogrammed with a different, positive thought, it would make getting up and facing the day easier! But I know this is ME, I need to learn to be happy with me, give up the whining and keep moving on. I will continue to pray for my path to be revealed to me, but until than I continue to look for that Starting line to solve my issues with weight