FRUSTRATION

Another Monday is here!! Another obsticle in the way of my progress. Why does it have to be so hard to take care of everyone and still have time to take care of yourself. Why are we forced to choose between making your family happy, your friends happy, or yourself happy? And it always seems no matter what choice I make I let someone down. Leaving me feeling like a failure. My dream is that just one day could go as planned. No mishaps, no interruptions, no unexpected. But of course I know that is not how life works, but it is nice to hold out that hope. So for now I look to tomorrow. Another day, a clean slate. New plans to make, new choices to be made, and I hope that it will go as smoothly as life can!!

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE CHALLENGE

Today has been a great day! Started out the day with a 6 mile walk and had preplanned my menu wieght watchers style. So I have all my points calculated and can feel good about all my food choices today! But, and there always has to be a but, I did have a food challenge today. During our walk this morning Laurie informed me that for the event we are having at our church tomorrow we were in need of cookies and would I make some. So I volunteered to bring some chocolate chip cookies. As soon as the words had left my mouth to volunteer to bake cookies, the dread came over me. Here, on my first day of starting back following the weight watchers program, I have successful planned my food out for the day, and no where in that plan is there chocolate chip cookie dough!!!! Now I don't know about anyone else, but I love chocolate chip cookie dough, and the thought of making chocolate chip cookies without tasting the dough is almost sacrilegious!! So I decided to challenge myself and vowed to Laurie that I would not take one taste of the cookie dough or eat a cookie. I asked my kids if they would like to help me make the cookies and they gladly agreed. I told them about my challenge and they all laughed, knowing how much I love cookie dough. My six year old daughter, being a kind spirit, told me "Mom I won't let you eat the cookie dough, I will just tell you NO!" and I am happy to say I did not eat the cookie dough. I passed the Cookie Dough Challenge and it feels good

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

This weekend we did 8 miles. The longest walk yet. Did okay, a little foot pain, some thigh burn, but all in all a good walk. This morning we have decided to start putting some weight training into our workout. We met, at 5 a.m. ugh!!, with a trainer at our gym and she talk about our goal and how we can achieve it and showed us a workout that would cover total body. All in all it went well. I just wish I can envision myself as healthy and toned. I guess I have never been that total package. It has always been someone else. It is hard to believe it can be me! But I need to believe!! Right now at the point I am in my life, I need to believe more than anything that I can do this. I can be a healthy, happy person for my family and for myself!! So the goal for this week is to visualize my goal, be my goal, BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!

INSPIRED

The last couple of days I have not been feeling well. Think it is allergies, change in the season. Of course I felt it was okay to use this as a good excuse to not get my stuff done and not workout to my full potential. I did get up at 5 a.m. this morning and head to the gym with my workout partner Laurie, but when we got there I managed to slack. We did 10 minutes on the treadmill, and a couple of weight machines. Didn't even break a sweat. One of the nice trainers came by twice and each time, I was leaning on something, and he made a comment about it. I just responded "I was practicing my leaning today." Funny, NOT! I was slacking, but was feeling okay about it. So this morning after I got the kids off to school I checked out my workout partners blog to see how she felt about the morning, and as usual I was convicted. She had a link to this awesome video. Oh man, I just cried and cried, and thanked GOD for this reminder of the gifts he has given me, of the healthy children, and husband that I have. That I need to be here for them, to be the role model, the care giver, and in order to do this I need to take care of what GOD has given me. By being healthy, exercising and eating healthy! And just like the video the word for everyday is CAN!

Feeling My Age

Had a great work out this morning, but I am definately feeling my age. We have this huge hill side in our front yard which has needed to be landscaped for the last 7 years. Every summer we weed it, and try to decide what we are going to plant. Well this year I decided this was the year. I am getting in better shape so should not be a problem for me to do the digging, planting, etc. So I went with my husband this weekend and had a great time picking out plants and planning our lay out, thinking this will be a piece of cake. One day and we will be done. Okay so back to feeling my age. After one day of moving bark, trekking up and down the hill, diggin holes in very rocky hard soil, I am feeling my age. Definately I don't feel half as bad as I would of a year ago before I started working out, but it just confirms my recent thoughts that this will be a life long committment. A committment to making myself, healthy, stronger, and happier by doing what is right for my body and my mind. So today I continue on trekking up and down the hill planting one plant at time. It may take me a few days to get them all planted, but I am just thankful that I can be out there moving!

Feel the Pain

Rose bright, or I should say dark and early for our 60 min walk today. Tried out my wonderfully new stylish reflective vest! My shoes were better today, so maybe it is just a breaking in period, but my muscles were not feeling to good today. My outer calf and thighs were feeling it today toward the end of our walk. We have done this walk, I don't know how many times,it should be getting easy. So why today was I having so much pain. It is days like this where you realize it will be never ending. You will always be striving to go faster, farther, longer, harder. There is no end! Is that a good thing or a bad thing?? I guess it depends on what day of the week you are on, at least for me. Today I had the thought of "is there an end to all of this?" in my mind, but thank goodness the thought was also there "you are doing this to be healthy, and to live life, a little discomfort is a small price to pay." So tomorrow is another day. I know that there are other factors, like food, that I need to focus on to make, the work out days better! So I will keep on keeping on and keep the faith!!!

Life is Good

Well made it through another week. Still struggling with the eating. I am starting out slow. Keeping track of what I am eating and reading labels. I was at the store yesterday and saw the new ice cream that is advertised on tv - Soft Serve Cyclone ice cream - now I love ice cream and it is very hard for me to turn down, but I decided to check out the label. Oh my!! It had 28 grams of fat and 50 grams of sugar. Talk about wiping out every workout I did this week. Totally would not be worth it! And for me to think that about ice cream, I must be making some mind changes, which is exciting to me. It is easy to start exercising, but to change your mental attitude about food seems to be the major hurtle for me!! So I am feeling good that I am making progress and long as it keeps going forward and not backward, Life is Good!!

I SAW THE LIGHT

Well when I woke up this morning and opened my eyes it was light out. Now I was happy to see the light of day, but this also means that I missed my workout. With us moving into the fall season we are having to go back to our 5 a.m. workout time. And at 5 a.m. it is dark outside. Unfortunately, my alarm clock was still on the 6 a.m. schedule. Ugh, which I also wish we could still be on. But all was forgiven, my workout partner is very understanding and had a great replacement for me, her trusty, always ready to go, chocolate lab. I did get my work out in though by going to the gym for my three miles. My new shoes though are causing me a lot of discomfort. My feet were really hurting by then end of just 3 miles. The sales person said there would be a break in period, but I am wondering if the pain is worth it. We shall see.

The Inner Voice

I have been struggling with food lately. I feel that food is my enemy, but I cannot live without it. I need to change that view and realize that food is not my enemy, it is what fuels my body, but that I need to make better choices. The right choices for my body. I need to learn to be at peace with my choices. I was listening to a book on CD by Joyce Meyer, "In Pursuit Of Peace". She wrote about how God has given us our conscience for a reason. That when you make a choice that makes you feel uneasy, UNHEALTHY, and causes you stress and anxiety it is your conscience telling you that you are not heading down the right path. Unfortunately, I seem to ignore my conscience most of the time. Like today, I took my son to Krispy Kreme for a donut. Now he loves to watch them making the donuts and it is fun for him, so I use that to justify taking him. My conscience is telling me, "No don't go, neither one of you need that donut.", but do I listen, NO!! And how did I feel after I ate not one but two donuts, ugh, miserable. I start beating myself up. Why did I go, why did I make that choice, but all along my conscience had been telling me the right answer, "You do not need to go to Krispy Kreme to have fun, neither of you need that donut." God was telling me what was right and I chose not to listen. My goal for this week is to truly listen to that inner voice and what it is telling me. To find that peace with in myself that will help conquer my addictive relationship with food, and be successful in taking care of the body God has blessed me with.

Reality Bites

I got some bad news this week. My family and I were on a reality television show. The title was not pretty - "Honey we're killing the kids" on TLC. But it was a once in a life time experience for our family. The news was that it may not show now until November. It was originally scheduled for July 17, than rescheduled for August 27, and now off the schedule without a for sure date. Now we were not notified of these changes, we only new because we as well as our family and friends are waiting for the show to air and keep calling unwilling and calling TLC to see what is up. I am getting a little upset. I feel they are being a little unkind. When I applied to be on the reality show it advertised for parents who are worried about the future health of their children. I was. I was in a bad place myself. It was like I was at the bottom of the hole and could not claw myself out. I could not follow a diet plan to save my life, I was exhausted all the time, and was just about out of hope. Then I applied for the reality show. And amazingly enough our family was chose. We were kept in the dark regarding exactly what we would be doing and what the show would be called for a while, but by the time we learned about the premise of the show we were committed for the long hall. I do believe it was a blessing in many ways. The premise was that they would computer generate what my kids would look like at 40 if we kept up our current lifestyle. They flew me and my husband to New York to film this part. This was the great part about the show we had never been to New York and were excited to get to go to the big apple, but when they showed me the computer generated pictures of my kids all I could do was cry. No one wants to raise unhealthy, obese Children, but the pictures indicated that was what I was doing. I was so upset, I even cried on the airplane home just thinking about the pictures. But the upside was that the host of the show was a nutritionist and she would be coming to our house to help us change, teach us a new lifestyle, or so I thought. It didn't quite turn out that way. The nutritionist showed up for 2 hours once a week to give us three new rules and a book to explain them. We had maybe 10 minutes of her time to ask questions, and that was not quality time. I got the feeling from her and her make up artist that it was an inconvenience, but she was there so we made the best of it. Our family embraced the rules each week, got to do some great things, and were successful. At the end they flew back our whole family to New York, again a great experience, and showed a us new computer generated pictures of our kids and what they would look like following our new healthy lifestyle. I cried again, but this time because I was happy to see pictures of happy healthy adults. So now the show was over and we had been successful for three weeks, but what about the rest of our lives. It is easy when your every move is being watch by a camera, someone else buys your groceries, money not being a limitation, and your menus our planned out for you. But what about when we really go back to reality?? Have to spend our own hard earned money, plan our own menus, and real life schedules return to your daily routine. It is not as easy to succeed, but we continue on with the struggle. Every day is a new day. But what a let down for our family waiting to see their show, and receiving disappointment after disappointment. I don't know about you but that can effect anyone and their efforts. I know I am rambling on about this, it just sucks, my kids have so looked forward to their show being on. I have so looked forward to it just being over. I am here to tell you that reality TV is not as real as we think. Real life, not in front of a camera, is reality and much, much, harder, but I know in the end with our own efforts my family will succeed!!

THESE SHOES WERE MADE FOR WALKING

Well today we walked our 7 mile walk. It went much better than I anticipated. We walked a 12K in June but had not been training and it had been much harder, so it is great to know that our training is working and it is getting easier. My workout partner and I went to purchase new shoes today. We decided since we are in this for the long hall to do it right. We went to an awesome store called Fleet Feet. The ladies there were awesome. They measured our feet sitting and standing and then video you walking on the treadmill to see what kind of step you have, how your arch is effect, and all that. It was great. Tried on several pair of shoes and got a great pair of Saucony. I have never wore this brand before so am anxious to see how they perform. I also was excited to hear that they fit you for sport bras. Sounds funny but I am excited about being able to go back and fitted to get a great sports bra. We are really getting into all the great gear that is available. Where we live it rains a lot and we plan on continuing our work out all year round so we want to be comfortable, so that we do not get discouraged, but it is quite an investment, which I had not thought of. But I figure better to spend the money on this healthy hobby vs. fast food and unhealthy lifestyle. So pavement here I come sporting my new shoes, watch out I am ready to burn some rubber!!

And the mood goes on

Well today did not start well and it started at 4a.m.!! My youngest son who is 4 had an accident, decided it was time to get up and start the day and that mom needed to stay home with him and not go to the gym. Pretty much the end to the week that I should have expected! The worst part is letting my work out partner down and not getting a badly needed work out! It seems like in life the ups don't last as long as the downs sometimes, but I am hoping and going to work my hardest to bring myself out of this down today!! We have a seven mile walk tomorrow morning, so my plan is to eat a healthy dinner, get to bed early and start with an up day tomorrow!! It also helped to get a comment about my last blog from a nice lady who let me know I am not alone in those oh so feeling un pretty days! Thanks! Keep the comments coming they help!!